[ adam nearly says something about fun allergies, but then ronan closes the distance and adam thinks he's just going to keep going until they're almost touching. he blinks and then the thrill of thinking of ronan lining up next to him, facing the other direction, close enough for their legs to touch dissipates.
but he knows he felt it. and that it's not the first time.
he sets to follow ronan instead of lingering on that for now, landing not so gracefully next to him, but at least he's on his feet and the broom is still in his hands. when ronan holds out the broom, adam looks at it as if not comprehending.
why does that send another thrill through him, that ronan wants him to use his broom? it's one of his most prized possessions, isn't it? and he would trust adam, who can barely fly at all, not to wreck it? adam reaches a hand toward the broom, then closes his fingers around it. he just holds it for a second, and then looks into ronan's face. quietly asking are you sure? ]
I could borrow one from the school. [ but they both know those are in even worst state than adam's. ]
[ unbeknownst to either of them, a similar thrill to the one adam just experienced shoots through ronan when adam grabs his broom. it's practically an extension of him, so it would be only natural that he'd feel a little uneasy about adam using it. it would be only natural, except uneasiness isn't quite what he's feeling. if he were truly uneasy, he wouldn't have offered in the first place.
he wouldn't be pulling a face now, like he knows adam knows what he just said was perfectly stupid. ]
What, is mine not good enough for you? [ it's a deliberate misunderstanding of adam's hesitance, and they both know it. ronan lets go of his own broom so adam's forced to take it and grabs adam's broom instead.
it should feel strange, relinquishing his father's broom. but it doesn't. maybe he doesn't think adam's good enough to pull a stunt that would wreck it; he won't be flying too high or too fast, not if adam has a say in it. maybe he's not concerned because he'll be watching adam the whole time. or maybe it speaks to how much ronan has grown to trust adam, saying more than words ever could.
before he can second-guess his decision, ronan kicks off on adam's broom and rises about ten feet in the air. the broom wobbles slightly, resisting the speed with which he took off. but with a little effort and a lot of swearing, ronan wrestles it under his control in a matter of seconds. he peers down at adam. ]
You know, anyone else would kill to be in your shoes, Parrish. [ ronan's broom, which bears no identifiable brand except for the initials NL in flourishing gold letters, is the envy of every quidditch and broom enthusiast at school. ]
[ before he can say anything else, ronan is on his broom and flying above him. it seems unfair to refuse, here. not unfair — more like it would communicate the wrong thing. ronan is offering adam something, and if he turns it down it might be like he's turning down ronan's trust or affection, and it's come to light that adam does not want to do that.
he'd actually like having both, and keeping both, if possible.
so he doesn't protest and mounts the broom. ]
I know. [ he says, because it's true. everyone envies ronan's broom. adam will now know he's privileged to have tried it.
it handles completely differently from his own, so much so that when he rises up, it's too fast and too high, and he lets out a strangled sound of dismay. if his grip hadn't been so tight on the broom itself he would have reached out for ronan, which adds to his furious embarrassment. the broom steadies itself when he stops being so tense, though, just above ronan, his foot near his head.
adam breathes out a half relieved, half frustrated fuck. then calls but without looking down. ]
If I die, you don't get my chocolate frog cards collection.
[ it wouldn't have been the first time adam turned down something one of his friends offered him. usually that friend is gansey; ronan knows better. if he wants to give adam something, he knows he has to dress it up like adam's doing him a favor by taking it off his hands. or he has to leave it somewhere for adam to find, where ronan can't see his reaction. he has to act like he doesn't care whether or not adam accepts it, even though he does care. he really fucking cares.
he would've cared if adam had turned down his broom. it's not like the other things he gives adam, which are designed specifically for adam. this is ronan trusting adam with a piece of himself, and he didn't even think before doing it. if adam had turned it down, ronan definitely would've thought twice next time.
fortunately, that's not the case here. adam takes the broom and a spot of warmth blooms in ronan's chest. his stomach does something acrobatic and affectionate, and as adam shoots up past him, he laughs. a thrill runs through him again to hear adam swear. ]
Who does then? You know Gansey only cares about the Glendower cards.
[ grinning, ronan reaches up and slips his fingers under adam's pant leg to pinch his ankle. then, before adam can retaliate, if it even crosses his mind, ronan zips out of reach. ]
[ if adam thought about it for two seconds, he might see that he's starting to have fun. beneath the discomfort of flying and the queasiness of his stomach, being with ronan makes the entire ordeal more tolerable. being entrusted something like ronan's broom does, as well. it tells him that this matters to ronan, and therefore he needs to take it seriously. ]
Noah. He deserves them. [ he opens his mouth to say something else, but then ronan's pinching his ankle, and his foot gives a jerk, and ronan's moving out of reach before adam can retaliate, and adam thinks that is truly not fair when ronan knows he can't keep up. ]
That was uncalled for, I'm wearing green. [ look, if ronan's going to pinch him, adam's going to make some reference to the ever famous leprechauns. he's asking for it.
without thinking about the technical aspects of flying, he zips after ronan, lacking the same finesse and nearly knocking himself off balance, but regaining it all without ronan's help. somehow, he manages enough confidence in his posture and balance to reach out a hand, hoping to get to ronan before he zooms away again. ]
[ for a second, ronan is so shocked and pleased by adam chasing him that he almost forgets to react. for a second after that, he thinks about letting adam catch him. gansey would call it positive reinforcement. a reward for finding the confidence to let go of the handle with one hand, of which ronan is actually very proud.
but right before adam reaches him, he shoots a few more feet into the air, once again out of reach.
this is the best way to learn to fly. technique is important, but more important is learning to let go of fear and inhibitions. it's acknowledging the possibility of falling but finding the freedom and sheer exhilaration of flying to be worth the risk. ronan won't admit it, possibly not even to himself, not until much later, but the main reason he wanted to teach adam to fly was because he feels like he's the best version of himself when he's flying, and he wanted adam to see it. not just see it, but experience it for himself and find that same freedom and exhilaration. he wanted to share the thing he loves most with the person he.
well. ]
You're always wearing green, [ he calls down, the grin audible in his voice. ] And I'm Irish so I get a free pass. [ because that's obviously the way it works. ]
[ of course adam hadn't expected to catch ronan, given the other's flying skills. but if he had caught him, he'd have known ronan had let him, and while that thought might have frustrated and angered him (had the person flying out of his reach been someone else) it raises something different in adam coming from ronan.
adam starts to speed up on the broom, only to remember he's holding on with a single hand. he looks down to grip the handle again, but that gives him a plain view of the ground below. he's fairly sure he can feel some of the color drain from his face. ]
Gansey might buy that but I'm not going to. [ he calls, as if bantering might make him forget the vertiginous heights they're at. it's not even that high, in truth, compared to how high quidditch games are played. but anything that is "feet off the ground" is too high in adam parrish's standards.
he's gripping the broom too tightly again. he can't seem to make himself relax. he looks up at ronan, the way he handles adam's shitty and rotten broom, the much sleeker feel of ronan's in his hands. this isn't for nothing, he thinks to himself. he's not going to let ronan's gift go to waste. so he takes a deep breath zips toward ronan, his heart hammering in his chest and every inch of his body, every one of his instincts telling him he's going to die. the fear is dizzying because it's so instinctual, feels so natural.
the speed of the broom doesn't even reach a fourth of the speed ronan usually flies with, and yet when adam comes near ronan he's got a frantic hand reaching for the other's arm. adam's breath is coming out a little too hard and fast for him to be completely relaxed. ]
I didn't know you were a fucking expert on leprechauns.
[ his tone is laden with sarcasm, but at the same time he wouldn't put it past adam to have more knowledge on the subject than any student should. he studies harder than anyone else, like he's fighting for his right to be here, something that nearly all of their peers take for granted. something that ronan takes for granted and even openly derides on a regular basis. by all mandates of logic, adam should hate him. in the beginning, ronan's pretty sure adam did hate him, or at least he found him intolerable, and the feeling was pretty much mutual.
now, ronan can't even remember what it felt like to dislike adam parrish. he never wants to remember, either. he doesn't want to go back to a time when he couldn't ask adam to meet him on the quidditch pitch on a whim, to a time when adam wouldn't agree without question.
as adam comes towards again, ronan doesn't leap out of reach. ] No promises. [ and yet when adam gets close enough, rather than pinching him ronan reaches out and clasps adam's hand in his.
he gives a little tug, dragging adam towards him until their knees knock. this close, he can see the freckles on adam's cheeks even in the dying light; he can feel the tension wound through him like he'd been partially petrified. ] I got you, [ he says, softer than he'd intended – if he'd intended to say it at all – but that could be due to forgetting how to breathe. ]
[ any smart quip dies on his lips when ronan takes his hand. it's not what he'd expected. the gentleness of the words takes him aback, as ronan's gentleness always does. it's the side of ronan that really shakes things up in him, makes his stomach churn and his thoughts, carefully ordered, fall in disarray.
their knees knock. he can see how blue ronan's eyes are. his hand clasps ronan's back, instead of just being held. now his heart is beating fast but for an entirely different reason. he's also forgotten that they're feet up in the air. ]
Thanks. [ it's quiet, said in an exhale. his eyes haven't left ronan's. adam's tie flaps with a sudden gust of wind and whips at his shoulder. he's not entirely sure he's only thanking ronan for grabbing hold of him. it wasn't even necessary — he hadn't been falling. he'd just been afraid.
it's easy to let ronan make him feel better about that. easier than with anyone else, because ronan isn't trying to control his reaction or indicate how he should feel, right in this moment. he doesn't let go of ronan's hand, but grips it tightly, like he doesn't want him to let go either. ]
I was handling it. [ there's no argument in the words, though. they're just to say something. to do something more than just gawk at ronan and hold his hand. ]
[ that adam thanks him and clasps his hand tightly in return makes ronan glad he did it. he'd acted on instinct, but that's been known to land him in trouble more than once. apparently – fortunately – this isn't one of those times.
it's not that he thought adam was going to fall; his fear had just been so palpable ronan couldn't help himself. maybe if he didn't want adam to be afraid he shouldn't have had them do a flying lesson, but he doesn't think this is a bad kind of fear. it's the kind that builds you up rather than breaks you down. he doesn't think adam would've agreed to it if he didn't, at least a little bit, feel the same way.
maybe he was wrong and this was a terrible idea, but adam doesn't seem to be backing down so ronan won't, either.
besides, they're still holding hands. ]
I know you were, Parrish. [ he can't help grinning, and it's softer than his usual grin, just like his tone is softer than his usual tone. he's sitting perfectly still, keeping his balance like a pro, nothing to belie how his heart is clamoring. he hopes his palm isn't sweaty. ] Hang on.
[ he backs up his (adam's) broom, pulling adam with him so it's like adam is moving forward. he goes slow at first, but gradually builds speed and urges them just a little higher. by the time they stop again, they're another foot or so in the air, and ronan still hasn't let go of adam's hand. ]
[ the way they build speed and rise in height like that freezes adam's mouth shut. no wry humour about what they're doing or the fact that their hands are clasped as they do it.
it's also the realisation that he trusts ronan not to let him fall to his death. adam's trust is hard earned, but it comes as somewhat of a shock to himself that ronan has earned so much of his. with the little things he does for adam, here and there. in part, also, because he's as fiercely protective of their friends as adam.
not looking down is easier to do when he's watching ronan's face. there's something in his expression when he flies that adam likes, and would like to see more often. he wonders if he could make ronan look like that, and then quickly discards the thought before he makes himself fall off his broom. ]
How high are we? I'm not looking down. [ there's some unsteadiness in the way he sits on the broom, but whenever it happens, he holds onto ronan's hand a little tighter for a second and seems to relax and steady himself on his own. ]
[ as much as adam values ronan's trust, ronan values adam's just as much. he might seem reckless and devil-may-care most of the time, and he's certainly been known to gamble with his own life, but he protects the things, the people he cares about. he recognizes that adam is trusting him not to let him fall, and that's a responsibility ronan doesn't take lightly.
still, they're supposed to be having fun, so he doesn't lose his air of levity either. he hopes that appearing relaxed will help adam relax, too. it's clear from the way adam keeps squeezing his hand that's it not completely successful, but maybe it's partially successful.
he keeps his eyes on adam's, even though it makes his pulse trip over itself. he's become so used to hiding his staring that to do it openly feels like something he shouldn't be doing. he's trying not to let it show; focusing on flying helps. still, it's possible that whatever adam sees in his face has as much to do with adam's presence as it does with flying itself. ]
Let's just say you could look up a giant's nose from this height.
[ if adam knows his giant facts, which ronan would bet he does, he'd know that means they're about twenty feet up. compared to how high ronan usually flies, they're barely off the ground. he urges his broom backwards, pulling adam forward again, flying in a slow, wide circle. ]
If I let go, you think you can handle it?
[ he tries to phrase it like a challenge, and maybe he succeeds, but there's a thread of genuine concern running through it that he might not be able to completely conceal. for whatever reason, ronan finds he doesn't really want to let go. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
notices an awful typo in my other tag, SCREAMS AND LAUNCHES INTO THE SUN
but he knows he felt it. and that it's not the first time.
he sets to follow ronan instead of lingering on that for now, landing not so gracefully next to him, but at least he's on his feet and the broom is still in his hands. when ronan holds out the broom, adam looks at it as if not comprehending.
why does that send another thrill through him, that ronan wants him to use his broom? it's one of his most prized possessions, isn't it? and he would trust adam, who can barely fly at all, not to wreck it? adam reaches a hand toward the broom, then closes his fingers around it. he just holds it for a second, and then looks into ronan's face. quietly asking are you sure? ]
I could borrow one from the school. [ but they both know those are in even worst state than adam's. ]
DRAGS YOU BACK
he wouldn't be pulling a face now, like he knows adam knows what he just said was perfectly stupid. ]
What, is mine not good enough for you? [ it's a deliberate misunderstanding of adam's hesitance, and they both know it. ronan lets go of his own broom so adam's forced to take it and grabs adam's broom instead.
it should feel strange, relinquishing his father's broom. but it doesn't. maybe he doesn't think adam's good enough to pull a stunt that would wreck it; he won't be flying too high or too fast, not if adam has a say in it. maybe he's not concerned because he'll be watching adam the whole time. or maybe it speaks to how much ronan has grown to trust adam, saying more than words ever could.
before he can second-guess his decision, ronan kicks off on adam's broom and rises about ten feet in the air. the broom wobbles slightly, resisting the speed with which he took off. but with a little effort and a lot of swearing, ronan wrestles it under his control in a matter of seconds. he peers down at adam. ]
You know, anyone else would kill to be in your shoes, Parrish. [ ronan's broom, which bears no identifiable brand except for the initials NL in flourishing gold letters, is the envy of every quidditch and broom enthusiast at school. ]
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he'd actually like having both, and keeping both, if possible.
so he doesn't protest and mounts the broom. ]
I know. [ he says, because it's true. everyone envies ronan's broom. adam will now know he's privileged to have tried it.
it handles completely differently from his own, so much so that when he rises up, it's too fast and too high, and he lets out a strangled sound of dismay. if his grip hadn't been so tight on the broom itself he would have reached out for ronan, which adds to his furious embarrassment. the broom steadies itself when he stops being so tense, though, just above ronan, his foot near his head.
adam breathes out a half relieved, half frustrated fuck. then calls but without looking down. ]
If I die, you don't get my chocolate frog cards collection.
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he would've cared if adam had turned down his broom. it's not like the other things he gives adam, which are designed specifically for adam. this is ronan trusting adam with a piece of himself, and he didn't even think before doing it. if adam had turned it down, ronan definitely would've thought twice next time.
fortunately, that's not the case here. adam takes the broom and a spot of warmth blooms in ronan's chest. his stomach does something acrobatic and affectionate, and as adam shoots up past him, he laughs. a thrill runs through him again to hear adam swear. ]
Who does then? You know Gansey only cares about the Glendower cards.
[ grinning, ronan reaches up and slips his fingers under adam's pant leg to pinch his ankle. then, before adam can retaliate, if it even crosses his mind, ronan zips out of reach. ]
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Noah. He deserves them. [ he opens his mouth to say something else, but then ronan's pinching his ankle, and his foot gives a jerk, and ronan's moving out of reach before adam can retaliate, and adam thinks that is truly not fair when ronan knows he can't keep up. ]
That was uncalled for, I'm wearing green. [ look, if ronan's going to pinch him, adam's going to make some reference to the ever famous leprechauns. he's asking for it.
without thinking about the technical aspects of flying, he zips after ronan, lacking the same finesse and nearly knocking himself off balance, but regaining it all without ronan's help. somehow, he manages enough confidence in his posture and balance to reach out a hand, hoping to get to ronan before he zooms away again. ]
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but right before adam reaches him, he shoots a few more feet into the air, once again out of reach.
this is the best way to learn to fly. technique is important, but more important is learning to let go of fear and inhibitions. it's acknowledging the possibility of falling but finding the freedom and sheer exhilaration of flying to be worth the risk. ronan won't admit it, possibly not even to himself, not until much later, but the main reason he wanted to teach adam to fly was because he feels like he's the best version of himself when he's flying, and he wanted adam to see it. not just see it, but experience it for himself and find that same freedom and exhilaration. he wanted to share the thing he loves most with the person he.
well. ]
You're always wearing green, [ he calls down, the grin audible in his voice. ] And I'm Irish so I get a free pass. [ because that's obviously the way it works. ]
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adam starts to speed up on the broom, only to remember he's holding on with a single hand. he looks down to grip the handle again, but that gives him a plain view of the ground below. he's fairly sure he can feel some of the color drain from his face. ]
Gansey might buy that but I'm not going to. [ he calls, as if bantering might make him forget the vertiginous heights they're at. it's not even that high, in truth, compared to how high quidditch games are played. but anything that is "feet off the ground" is too high in adam parrish's standards.
he's gripping the broom too tightly again. he can't seem to make himself relax. he looks up at ronan, the way he handles adam's shitty and rotten broom, the much sleeker feel of ronan's in his hands. this isn't for nothing, he thinks to himself. he's not going to let ronan's gift go to waste. so he takes a deep breath zips toward ronan, his heart hammering in his chest and every inch of his body, every one of his instincts telling him he's going to die. the fear is dizzying because it's so instinctual, feels so natural.
the speed of the broom doesn't even reach a fourth of the speed ronan usually flies with, and yet when adam comes near ronan he's got a frantic hand reaching for the other's arm. adam's breath is coming out a little too hard and fast for him to be completely relaxed. ]
No. Pinching.
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[ his tone is laden with sarcasm, but at the same time he wouldn't put it past adam to have more knowledge on the subject than any student should. he studies harder than anyone else, like he's fighting for his right to be here, something that nearly all of their peers take for granted. something that ronan takes for granted and even openly derides on a regular basis. by all mandates of logic, adam should hate him. in the beginning, ronan's pretty sure adam did hate him, or at least he found him intolerable, and the feeling was pretty much mutual.
now, ronan can't even remember what it felt like to dislike adam parrish. he never wants to remember, either. he doesn't want to go back to a time when he couldn't ask adam to meet him on the quidditch pitch on a whim, to a time when adam wouldn't agree without question.
as adam comes towards again, ronan doesn't leap out of reach. ] No promises. [ and yet when adam gets close enough, rather than pinching him ronan reaches out and clasps adam's hand in his.
he gives a little tug, dragging adam towards him until their knees knock. this close, he can see the freckles on adam's cheeks even in the dying light; he can feel the tension wound through him like he'd been partially petrified. ] I got you, [ he says, softer than he'd intended – if he'd intended to say it at all – but that could be due to forgetting how to breathe. ]
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their knees knock. he can see how blue ronan's eyes are. his hand clasps ronan's back, instead of just being held. now his heart is beating fast but for an entirely different reason. he's also forgotten that they're feet up in the air. ]
Thanks. [ it's quiet, said in an exhale. his eyes haven't left ronan's. adam's tie flaps with a sudden gust of wind and whips at his shoulder. he's not entirely sure he's only thanking ronan for grabbing hold of him. it wasn't even necessary — he hadn't been falling. he'd just been afraid.
it's easy to let ronan make him feel better about that. easier than with anyone else, because ronan isn't trying to control his reaction or indicate how he should feel, right in this moment. he doesn't let go of ronan's hand, but grips it tightly, like he doesn't want him to let go either. ]
I was handling it. [ there's no argument in the words, though. they're just to say something. to do something more than just gawk at ronan and hold his hand. ]
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it's not that he thought adam was going to fall; his fear had just been so palpable ronan couldn't help himself. maybe if he didn't want adam to be afraid he shouldn't have had them do a flying lesson, but he doesn't think this is a bad kind of fear. it's the kind that builds you up rather than breaks you down. he doesn't think adam would've agreed to it if he didn't, at least a little bit, feel the same way.
maybe he was wrong and this was a terrible idea, but adam doesn't seem to be backing down so ronan won't, either.
besides, they're still holding hands. ]
I know you were, Parrish. [ he can't help grinning, and it's softer than his usual grin, just like his tone is softer than his usual tone. he's sitting perfectly still, keeping his balance like a pro, nothing to belie how his heart is clamoring. he hopes his palm isn't sweaty. ] Hang on.
[ he backs up his (adam's) broom, pulling adam with him so it's like adam is moving forward. he goes slow at first, but gradually builds speed and urges them just a little higher. by the time they stop again, they're another foot or so in the air, and ronan still hasn't let go of adam's hand. ]
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it's also the realisation that he trusts ronan not to let him fall to his death. adam's trust is hard earned, but it comes as somewhat of a shock to himself that ronan has earned so much of his. with the little things he does for adam, here and there. in part, also, because he's as fiercely protective of their friends as adam.
not looking down is easier to do when he's watching ronan's face. there's something in his expression when he flies that adam likes, and would like to see more often. he wonders if he could make ronan look like that, and then quickly discards the thought before he makes himself fall off his broom. ]
How high are we? I'm not looking down. [ there's some unsteadiness in the way he sits on the broom, but whenever it happens, he holds onto ronan's hand a little tighter for a second and seems to relax and steady himself on his own. ]
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still, they're supposed to be having fun, so he doesn't lose his air of levity either. he hopes that appearing relaxed will help adam relax, too. it's clear from the way adam keeps squeezing his hand that's it not completely successful, but maybe it's partially successful.
he keeps his eyes on adam's, even though it makes his pulse trip over itself. he's become so used to hiding his staring that to do it openly feels like something he shouldn't be doing. he's trying not to let it show; focusing on flying helps. still, it's possible that whatever adam sees in his face has as much to do with adam's presence as it does with flying itself. ]
Let's just say you could look up a giant's nose from this height.
[ if adam knows his giant facts, which ronan would bet he does, he'd know that means they're about twenty feet up. compared to how high ronan usually flies, they're barely off the ground. he urges his broom backwards, pulling adam forward again, flying in a slow, wide circle. ]
If I let go, you think you can handle it?
[ he tries to phrase it like a challenge, and maybe he succeeds, but there's a thread of genuine concern running through it that he might not be able to completely conceal. for whatever reason, ronan finds he doesn't really want to let go. ]